Tuesday, December 16, 2008

it must be me....

I'm in a moody kinda funk- not quite sure where it's coming from- could be a lot of things-
1-the holidays- they always put me back to being a 9 year old who did not have the happiest of childhoods.
2-the self imposed stress connected to Xmas- thinking everything has to be perfect- that I have to make the handmade cards, have to finish handmade gifts. that I don't have a lot of $$ right now to buy something for all the people that you are supposed to buy for, like the mailman, my sons daycare providers, my colleagues, my family, my friends, the mail man, teachers, etc.
3- lack of sleep
4-my dear husband working on a project over 60 miles away. i won't see him until tuesday of next week.
5-the crummy economy 
6-the unpredictable winter weather
7- hormones-
8-my oven is BUSTED and I can't bake my usual xmas cookies.
who knows
I'm trying to break out of it- I took some Emergen-C. I've been active- with our new dog, Mickey, there's no choice there. He has to go out for his walks. I've been listening to positive upbeat music. but, it's still there. Maybe, i should go to the store and buy a case of PIMs. That usually can give me a lift. ( But who needs all those calories?)
I need to take a step back and just count all my blessings- See the pain points and know the possibilities. (there's the coaching center of VT getting into my head. again.) It all just feels a little overwhelming right now. I wish my days had about three extra hours in them, so I could catch up with my sleep. I wish the economy would just get a little better, so I could sell something on my Etsy site that was over $20.  I wish I didn't get so emotionally tied to one day of the year- I wish that everyone I loved wasn't so far away right now. I wish this moody feeling would pass right now, so I could get on with all the other things in life, that I really want to enjoy.  Maybe it's just me... but I think other people, must feel this way sometimes.
I know this will go away- it will just take a little bit of time....
do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate
the not quite, the not-yet.
DO not let the hero of your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, 
but have never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world your desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours.

ayn rand- atlas shrugged


BurrOakOriginals said...

Yeah, I'm in the same funk. You're right. I feel as if I'm holding my breath, and come the day after Christmas, then and only then can I breathe freely again.

You are not alone.

I love the Ayn Rand quote.

Here's one for you:

Look at the birds. Even flying
is born

out of nothing. The first sky
is inside you, Friend, open

at either end of day.
The work of wings

was always freedom, fastening
one heart to every falling thing.

One Heart by Li-Young Lee

starrynightimpressions said...

A new day will dawn, thank the Lord!

High Desert Diva said...

I take 5HTP daily to help with the blues.

From Wiki:

The psychoactive action of 5-HTP is thought to derive from its effect on serotonin synthesis in central nervous system tissue. It is believed that an artificially high supply of 5-HTP causes the brain's serotonin-producing neurons to increase production. Increased serotonin production then leads to increased serotonin release.