Monday, June 11, 2012

Lost

I have been having a little bit of what I call "studio paralysis." My head and my life have been keeping me from getting "real" work done in the studio and it has been frustrating, to say the least. I found my head in a loop of bad internal self talk about not being "good-enough", what the heck was I thinking about trying to do graduate school, that my work was hack, ya-da, ya-da, ya-da. Negative self talk, especially that stuff the spirals around in your head can be very detrimental to the creative process. Everyone has their triggers, the things that set them down that slippery slope. For me, it's stress and feeling overwhelmed by everything that I seem to pile on my plate. I don't know how I do it, but I am ALWAYS doing something. For me, in this life, there is little down time. When all the stuff piles on high, I sort of melt down and end up in creative paralysis. So, the studio, has been a lonely place the last two weeks. Life and responsibilities, definitely got the best of me.

But this morning, maybe, because I can finally catch my breath at work and at home, I had an ah-ha! moment. A piece (and in idea for a series) that was somewhat elusive, finally became clear to me. Maybe it was the reading I have been doing for school, finally sunk in, I really don't know what made it possible for me to think clearly today. But, I did. I finally did! And now, I know where things are going.

Where IS it going?

Well, we are going to get LOST. Not in the TV show, but more in a symbolic way.

I am thinking about things that we lose when we are children and how this has an impact on us as adults. We all have this experience, we hold something very dear and then for some reason, usually carelessness on our own part, we loose it and it is gone forever. Where do all the lost things go? What happens to them when they are found? and most importantly, what happens to us, when the object is only a memory in our minds?

So that's what I will leave you with, that the crux of my next project. I'd love to hear about what you've lost when you were a child. The thing that you once had, was so precious and now is LOST.


5 comments:

artistamyjo said...

My mom,the one I never had! She was an alcoholic,can'tever recall her sober. She died of liver failure at 55.
I am strong but I floundered.I am a survivor and a bit of a loner.The creative door closes from time to time,but I refuse to let it close all the way.
My creativity is my salvation and my soul !
Hugs. Amy Jo

glimmering prize said...

sounds like losing your mom had a huge effect on you. thanks for sharing amy jo.

Romeo said...

Good word - studio paralysis. I'm there right now. What I lost was not as traumatic as losing a mom early in life. However, as a child losing your best friend - a stuffed cat, is pretty traumatic. I was given this musical cat as a newborn. I went to first grade and one day I came home and my kitty was not in the closet. My mother was disgusted and told me it was dirty and she threw it away. I've named my business after that cat. I've never forgotten my first best friend. I am 49 now.

Pretty Ragged Threads said...

As a child we moved around a lot. One of our moves took us to Kansas. My dad did not drink the whole time we were lived there. It was the most wonderful year of my life. Santa brought me a beautiful Aida ballerina doll. My most prized possession. Then we moved back to Iowa and on the way my doll fell out of the U-haul truck and was lost. I not only lost the doll, but the most wonderful year of my life.

her father's daughter said...

waay back in the day, troll dolls were THE toy to have. i had a favorite, with bright red hair. i hid him in an old cheese spread crock so my brother wouldn't find him and torture him! by the time i remembered where i had him hidden, mom had thrown out the "empty" crock, not knowing the doll was inside. *sigh*